maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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