Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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