the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
