Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
