Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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