Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
worst night to have a conscience
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
