the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
