did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
