I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
