I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
