when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
