just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
