SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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