if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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