you guys were way drunker than both of me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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