i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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