I'm sorry my penis didn't work
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
