paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
