If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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