bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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