Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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