I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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