we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
