I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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