i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
