Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
