Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
