Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
