"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
