I wish I could teleport
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
