like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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