I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
