when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
