i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
