I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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