Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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