Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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