Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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