Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
