who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
did you get engaged???
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
