I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize