You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
