Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
