Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
