I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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