Don't make out with my wife yet
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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