He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
