the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
