She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
