Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
