I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize