Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
