Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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