just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
