You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
