It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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