she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize