no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
